Frozen Beer

launching with an icy, just-defrosted craft brew? pop it in a canoe cup-holder for safekeeping

If I’m lucky enough to be camping in an area without a ban on bottles and cans, you can bet I’m bringing along some beer. I’m a beer drinker, nay! connoisseur, and there’s nothing quite like cracking a can of frosty brew on a hot summer day after sweating my ass off carrying an eighty-five pound food barrel on my back over mosquito-infested portages on a canoe trip.

How do I keep my beer chilled and delicious without refrigeration, you ask?
I freeze it.

I know. We’ve all accidentally left cans in the freezer to chill and had them explode upon opening either the freezer door or the can itself. No one likes a beer slushie, certainly not a certified Prud’homme graduate like myself. But there are ways to avoid this unpleasant experience, and through much trial and error I have discovered the secret to the perfect Frozen Beer:

Step One: Choose some tasty tall-boys with an ABV of 5% or less.

Step Two: Throw (or gently place) tall-boys in the freezer for 48 hours so they’re rock solid. We’ve found that the thicker import cans do tend to explode if frozen too quickly, but the thinner aluminium allows enough expansion or headroom to freeze without breakage.

Step Three: Keep frozen until the moment you set off on a trip, packing the beers with fresh items like meat and vegetables in soft-sided cooler bags. The beers act as icepacks and will keep a steak frozen for two days; fresh for three!

Step Four: Wait until beers are fully defrosted to open and enjoy. Rushing this step will result in the dreaded Beer Slushie. Bring refrigerator-temperate beers for this part of the journey.

Step Five: Drink up, buttercup. As long as the beers have been left to fully defrost, taste and carbonation are hardly affected. By the afternoon of day two, they should be good to go.

Step Six: Stomp on the can to crush it, and carry it out. It will be much lighter once it’s empty. No one wants to find that shit out there. Don’t be that guy.